


Revise, Redact, Review, Regret

by momopeachchild



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Other, SO, and this is all from lucretia's pov, i'll tag them as they show up okay?, look there are a lot of characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-07 17:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17964656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momopeachchild/pseuds/momopeachchild
Summary: It was just suppose to be for a little bit, until she could stop what was happening to the world, to her friends. And it wasn't as if she was just going to..to leave her friends out in the lurch. They would have new homes, new lives, away from all the pain and regret and guilt! She could do this, she knew she could.Or: Lucretia's thoughts and feelings through the whole of TAZ Balance





	1. Rehoming and Moonlighting

**Author's Note:**

> All Characters are the creation and property of the Mcelroy Clan, I'm just playing with Lucretia and the story as a writing exercise and to see if I can break my own heart more than Griffin already had. No copywrite infringement intended, and I make no monetary gains from this work!

It was just suppose to be for a little bit, until she could stop what was happening to the world, to her friends. To see the gnawing guilt that was consuming them over what their creations had caused, especially Lup, killed her inside. She could do this, alone, she could make everything better. She was strong enough to do this. Merle had taught her enough to be successful, and she'd survived a whole year on their journey alone. She could do this, and Fischer could help. She just had to do what she was best at; write.

  
And it wasn't as if she was just going to..to leave her friends out in the lurch. Lup, there was nothing she could do she couldn't find her, and Lucretia prayed to whatever Gods there were that she was at peace. No matter how hard she looked, no matter where she looked she couldn't find her and it broke her heart every time. She couldn't imagine what it would be like for Taako, so he had to forget. It would be better, safer for him too. And Barry? Lucretia prayed he wasn't in his Lich form, but she had put measures in place just in case he was. He couldn't interfere. It wasn't safe.

  
Davenport had to stay with her, there was no place a man with a mind as shattered as his would or could be safe and cared for properly. She would ensure her friend had the best life she could give him until she could return his mind to him. He was her second biggest motivator, beyond the guilt, beyond the need to fix everything, Lucretia could not stand to see her dearest friend a shell of the man he was. The sooner she accomplished her mission, the sooner he could be whole and healthy again. At least with her he would have the best care.

  
There was no place good enough for Taako, there never would be. So she arranged the cart, the help, the slogan once used as a joke. Taako, from TV! Would go on the road and show the world what he could do, and he would be loved. It was the best she could think of, and she just hoped that there would be joy in that life she'd constructed for him. And if the few shows she slipped in to see were anything to go by, he would be all right.

Magnus had been easy to place, and the man she found to employ him was grateful for the extra set of skilled hands, and was willing to help this lost man find his way. He never imagined that his daughter would fall for the gentle man, or that life would be so much happier with him around.  
Merle loved the beach, and she was meticulous in her search to find a place for him. On days when it seemed she couldn't go on, she would go there and just..watch from a safe distance at how happy he was, at his family and how life was so much better for him. After Wonderland, she found she had stayed a full two weeks longer than she anticipated, just watching and trying to remind herself what it was she was doing. 

And Wonderland. That was a special kind of hell, leaving her companion and guide behind, losing two decades of her life! It wasn't even vanity that upset her, it was that she had lost two decades of her /life/, that if something horrible should occur she would have twenty years less to right what she had done! It made her realize that she couldn't do this on her own. That's why they had all succeeded and survived as long as they had on their hundred year journey, they were a team. She needed a team.

  
And a team she found and built. Soon, with the help of Fischer and the baby she would affectionately call Junior in her most private of journals she had the Bureau. But it wasn't working. She was losing more seekers and re-claimers to the thrall and unforeseen consequences trying to reclaim the Grand Relics was causing everything to take so much longer. It'd been a decade already and it wasn't what she wanted. But when Killian sent a message that three idiot adventurers had picked up Lup's relic she felt her heart skip a beat. She immediately inquired as to who they were, and the names that came through made her heart stutter sharply. As much as this was not what she wanted for three of her best friends, of her family, it might just work. They had created them, they had the same resistance to them that she had. They could do this, and she could make sure they were safe and happy again, after everything. so the order was given, simple, just two words.

  
_"Innoculate them."_

 

And while they did that, it would give her enough time to compose herself, to brace herself and prepare for what was about to happen. Watching them from afar was completely different than having them in front of her, so close she could reach out and hug them. She had to steel herself, and be The Director, the calm, cool woman that her employees had come to recognize. By the time she heard the doors open, she had what she felt was enough composure, enough strength of will to remain calm. Looking up as they walked in, Lucretia realized just how wrong she was. Her knuckles tightened on her staff, going almost white and her heart was pounding wildly. Magnus had a few more scars than last time she'd checked in on him, and Merle had started wearing his hair differently, and Taako, Taako seemed so different without his twin. Add a few more earrings and a crop top and there would be Lup. Closing her eyes briefly, she took a deep steadying breath before she spoke.

  
_"Welcome, the three of you.."_

 

The ensuring conversation was one she could have had all on her own and it would have been fairly accurate, up until one point.

_**"Listen, I'm but a simple idiot Wizard. Uhm, could you tell us a little about-"** _

She had to cut him off. She couldn't stand to hear those words come out of Taako's mouth. He wasn't an idiot, it was her fault he wasn't at his full potential!

 _"No, don't sell yourself short."_

It was the only thing she could say. Any argument she could make, any way she tried to explain it would be static to them, and they would realize she knew things about them they didn't know themselves, and the game would be up. She had to keep up the facade of this being their first meeting. It was all Lucretia could do to stay where she was and not go and wrap her arms around him and tell him just how much he wasn't an idiot wizard. Still the show must go on, and that's what this was turning into, a show. The relic was "destroyed" and payment was given. And her three beloved knuckle heads continued to joke and give each other shit, acting like the brothers she knew them to be. She fought to keep from smiling at them as they bickered. But why should she stop from smiling? They'd gotten the Phoenix fire gauntlet. They'd gotten one of the relics something that she hadn't accomplished in ten years! So she permitted herself a small smile as she looked out over everything, explaining to them a bit about their own creations, when she stopped short.

  
_**"Do you know anything about this umbrella?"** _

 

She looked it over, acting as if it were the first time she had ever seen it when in truth her heart clenched and wrestle with the overwhelming urge to reach out and take it, to see if they could use a spell to trace it and maybe find Lup, or at least her body. 

 

 _"Uhm, no," she lied, gripping her staff tightly again. It was fitting that Taako had it, even if he didn't realize it. "But, uh, our artificer might. I can send you his way after--"_ and she was cut off, saving her a few minutes to re-collect and refrain from improving more than she had to. She could explain the relics, she'd done so many times already to many different people, it was part of her well played out script at this point. They spoke a bit more, before she got to the next big point of the Bureau that she was only slightly dreading.

 

_"All I need to know is, between the three of you: Which of you is the smartest? Which of you is the strongest? And which of you is the bravest?"_

 

Lucretia could have easily assigned them roles, she had for some in the past, but she also wanted to see how her friends had changed, at least in their views of themselves. it was clear they thought very little of themselves, and she wasn't quite sure how much of that was actual self-doubt and how much was a jest. But it was soon decided; Taako, the bravest, Merle, the smartest, and Magnus, the strongest. About that she would have assigned, and with a simple tap of her staff, they were easily targeted and asleep.  Exhaling slowly, she summoned a few guards to carry them where they needed to go, and she turned to look at Davenport, who walked over and gave her arm a sympathetic squeeze, and a soft, comforting, "Davenport". Giving him a tired half smile, she cupped his cheek in thanks and moved to stand, to go and observe the trial of initiation.

  
Which, while it ended a bit unorthodox, Lucretia was pleased to see that Magnus would still rush head long into danger to save his friends. Though admittedly, Lucretia would have made sure none of them actually died, that would be horrible as there was no coming back at the end of this cycle. This was the end of them, she would make sure of it. And now they were to get their bracers, and it meant now she could keep a closer eye on them as well, and make sure they would be safe, or as safe as possible while collecting their creations. 

A bit more explaining, a bit more banter, and a strict warning against actively interacting with "Red Robes" on the off chance that Lup or Barry were about in their Lich forms, she sent them on their way to meet Leon, and to get some hopefully useful items and then they'd be off to their dorms, and she could retire to her office. She had a bit of paper work to do, and she would have to ensure that the Gauntlet was properly stored. 

Once alone, and her work done, Lucretia set her staff down, and waved her hand at the portrait of herself behind the desk, removing the two layers of illusion spells she had wrapped around it. Looking up at her friends, so much younger and happier than they were now, all happy and whole and together, she touched one hand to the canvas, before pressing her forehead against it. Her other hand came up to cover her mouth as she felt her chest heave, and hot tears ran down her cheeks. Relief, regret, and so many more emotions that she had kept in check since she heard Killian's report were now over taking her. And she would indulge, but just for a little while. She had more work to do, and she couldn't do that if she was a sobbing mess.

  
Exhaling sharply, she took one more look at the seven of them all happy together before they took off on the Starblaster, and waved her hand in front of it again, bringing up the two illusions and dried her face with her hands. She would have to start working on being more stoic around her boys, and making sure such overwhelming show of emotions would not happen again, unless it was called for by the situation. Sitting at her desk, she pulled out her current journal, to write down the events of the day so far, and at the end she let herself smile a little as she drew a small sketch of her boys. Closing it, she looked up and decided it was time to go find Davenport and have dinner with her people. She could do this, she decided. She would have to.


	2. A Murder Most Foul and Unforeseen Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, The Adventure Zone, the characters and the plot all belong to the Mcelroy's. I'm just playing with Lucretia a little. I make no money and mean no infringement!
> 
> Any Italicized or bold'd and italicized text is to indicate actual dialogue spoken by the characters in the podcast. Any that is not set apart in this way is m own creation.

Admittedly, the dorm room the boys had been placed in was cramped at best. Four men in a room was a bit much, but they were the newest. No favoritism could be shown, even if she could figure out an actual justification for better housing. And if Lucretia was going to be honest, she had been a bit distracted in the time since they boys had past the test and now. Well, maybe more than a bit if Davenport's constant trays of food and tea were any judge. But she had a lead, some information and despite it being the middle of the night she had to call in her new re-claimers. And while waiting for them to arrive, she woudl review all the information they had at that time, searching for anything she could have missed, anything that might cause problems for her boys. Maybe she was frustrated. Maybe she was just tired. But murder and mysteries weren't her forte either way.

  
Hearing the doors open, she counted the steps, still pouring over the information before until she heard them stop. Looking up to greet them, the white haired woman felt her face move from a look of simple frustration, to one of irritated confusion.

 _"What… are you wearing? What is--? What are you wearing!"_ she demanded, both so incredibly irritated that they were not dressed and ready to go, but also slightly amused that they were still fairly true to themselves. Hell, since they got there she had been half expecting Magnus to jump out of random places and scream his name before running away. Though he'd been younger then, more..carefree wasn't the word, but neither was cautious. Playful perhaps, immature might be a bit of it. Still, she had to remember that her boys had changed, just like she had. She could only pray it was for the better.

  
 _ **"What are you wearing?"**_ Magnus asked, in his loose sleep pants and a slightly baggy shirt. 

_"I-I’m wearing my full business regalia."_ She replied, sounding as if that were the most obvious thing in the world. Her irritation was getting a bit more clear in her voice, only because she was permitting that part of her to win the fight, over just laughing. She was tired, and stressed, and this was the sort of ridiculousness that might just push her over the edge into hysterics.

They bantered a bit, as it seemed would happen every time they were together, and she rolled her eyes up to the ceiling as it seemed they were going to just change in front of her, or rather just Magnus, and she huffed a bit before she started to explain the situation. Their murdered re-claimer, the fact that he had just located another Grand Relic, and how this couldn't have come at a worse time.  By her estimations, they wasted about ten minutes trying to figure out between the three of them who would take what role, and what would be the best way to go about things. She left them to it, rubbing her forehead a little and forced herself to take some deep breaths while they decided, before explaining to them the rest of the details and sent them on their way to gather their things and to meet Avi.

  
Rubbing her forehead, she sat down at her desk once they were gone, calling softly for Davenport and looked down at him. He set another cup of tea on her desk and pat the back of her hand before moving to pick up all of her papers. 

"Davenport," he said softly, gently and she smiled weakly at him.

"You're correct as ever, Davenport. They'll be fine, they have each other." 

It wasn't much longer than a day it felt like, that they were signaling to come back. They'd gotten it, the Occulus. Looking at Davenport, she smiled at him, a genuine smile she rarely showed anyone, one that had become even more rare now, than it had been in their hundred year cycle. They had Davenport's relic now, and it was being taken care of as she stood there, watching.

  
And then Magnus said it. What they had all originally intended. They could use it for good, to help people. And they didn't remember, they couldn't. She had made sure of it, but she had to nip that thought right away or else, she could see her friend over taken by the thrall of one of the relics. And that was not something she wanted to see happen, not after so long and after so much work. She knew she would never be able to give the kill order, and that would lead to unwanted questions.

_"You cannot use the Grand Relics for good. They-- their power overwhelms and inevitably leads only to evil. But I suppose you would all like to be paid. Davenport!"_

And soon he trotted out with their payment, and she left them to decide how they were to split it. It hadn't been that long, less than two months, and Lucretia knew she had to give herself some slack in the emotions department. But she'd been a huge wreck the entire time they were gone, and she knew the dangers were just going to be greater the more she sent them to get the relics, and she had to get better at hiding it. They'd just proven themselves twice, and while everyone had understood her nerves as this was the first time they'd gone alone, everyone was excited, because this was going to work now! They had gotten two relics and they were going to keep this up.

Yes, being a re-claimer was dangerous, Leeman was proof of that, and she knew that at any point any of her people could die. But she had tried her best to keep her family away from that sort of danger. But it seemed their lives couldn't stay happy.

  
Lup was dead for all she could find. Lich form or not, there hadn't been a trace of her in years, and she was sure that wasn't something she would ever be able to move past. Barry had apparently been living as a mercenary, something she'd been wholly unable to discover on her own, with no memory of who he was before or what he had done, according to what she'd asked of the boys when she finally got the whole story from them. 

Dear, sweet Barry a fighter? He could be when he had to, but Lucretia knew him to be better suited for research and study like she herself was. Or he had been, and she had been. Apparently they had both grown into things that were different than they had been. She didn't know when Barry had started to change, perhaps it was because of his sort of amnesia, perhaps it was around the time he and Lup had become Liches. She wasn't certain, but she knew she had felt a change in herself the year she spent alone, running from those who had killed her friends. She thought watching her home planet be consumed was the worst moment of her life. Indeed she had come to think of that year as the worst time in her life, but even that could not match the crippling solitude that she had inflicted upon herself by her choices. 

Taako had fled his show, Lucretia had looked into it after they had left for their dorms after passing the test. He seemed to believe his own magic had caused the deaths of others, and Lucretia couldn't believe it. There had to be more to it, but she didn't have the resources at the time to go digging for more information into the whole of the misfortune.

  
Merle seemed as though he couldn't be content with his family and his life. She should have foreseen that, that was one of the reasons he had ended up with the IPRE in the first place, and it saddened her to know that he wasn't able to be a good father figure to his children. That struck a little too close to home for her, and she had to shake it off, knowing that she hadn't been able to write out all of his wanderlust, and that it was in part her fault because she wasn't able to edit that part of him out.

  
And Magnus, the man who had insisted they save Fischer, who had tried to save so many people so many times and had died for it, been hurt for it. She should have known he would fight if he saw injustice in the world, and while he had been so happy with his Julia, she wanted to weep to see him now. To know that the love of his life had been ripped from his arms, and he couldn't have the vengeance he so desired. It wasn't like she was a clairvoyant. She couldn't see the future and would have known that would have happened. But she also should have been more thorough in her placement. Magnus hated to see people be hurt, and if she'd looked into the governor, perhaps she could have done something.

  
But these what ifs and blaming thoughts weren't going to serve her at this time. She had to save them for when she could allow her family to remember that they were her family again. And perhaps she could attempt to ask for forgiveness, but Lucretia was already certain in her belief that that was impossible to receive. But at least they would know themselves again and she would have to get used to being content with that.

Dismissing everyone, she turned to head to her office, only Davenport's quick tug at her sleeve stopping her. He smiled and tugged her sleeve again. Clearly they had other matters to attend to, so she followed and realized that she had another meeting to attend to. "Thank you, Davenport." she whispered, shaking off her previous thoughts to go and ensure that the Midsummer festival would be perfect for all of her people. It was the least she could do.


End file.
